Smiths night

One of the most honest songs I've ever heard about depression. In a small way, it also speaks to me about life here.

This is another fine mess you've gotten us into

Looks like I've derailed the 'nationality' debate at Emirati's blog with my maudlin 'I love UAE..why can't we just get along' speech.

Can't help it. I don't know what drives me to love this place, but I do know what drives me crazy is when Emiratis tell us our loyalties are divided. They're not.

PS: i'm talking about the guys who grew up here. Not these new arrivals who are stinking up the joint (all nationalities) with their greed and fame-chasing. They just want to suck this place dry and move on to the next Hong Kong or Singapore where they can live the life of Riley while pissing on the natives.

Even you, SecretDubai - you've only been here a relatively short while, you weren't here for the really good stuff. Those who grew up here could tell you it used to be absolutely wonderful and there was so little COMPLAINING. Ramadan was really a time of joy, for all religions. Now fasting has become utterly weary and it's hard to feel God in your heart anymore.

PPS: This isn't a slam on SD - at least she is trying to give the people a voice.

The Conversation

For your reading pleasure, I present an exchange i had the other day with a 'friend' of mine, in it's unadulterated, nutball glory. You will be tested later, so try to identify the points when I:
a) listened attentively
b) tried to help
c) got pissed
d) didnt care any more.

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

my mum n sis went crazy n they are taking out everything on the clueless me

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

they claim its cos im a disgrace n they dun want me anymore...

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

......

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

apparently i haf a "white bf" n they've enuf of my shit

Marwan says:

really

Marwan says:

wow

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

wow

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

Marwan says:

isnt their position pretty tenous really also

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

..........

Marwan says:

wow as in wht the hell

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

yeah but they keep assuming all the wrong things n being unfair....if they dun pay for my nxt 2 semesters im fucked...im gonna haf to beg.......for accomodation i can afford myself.

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

i'll write to the sporean papers if i haf to.

Marwan says:

what are they assuming

Marwan says:

and why wont they pay

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

they r assuming im all havoc n im just like my dad...so they dun want to do anything with me

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

n they think i haf some white trash bf..

Marwan says:

well then you have to drop him

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

im 20 n i dun see y my mums trippin out on me

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

i didnt even say he was "white"....i accidently told my sis....who's been a multiple stabber.

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

n he's got nothin to do with them...i think i shud haf the freedom...if they still trip out then its them tat need help dun u think

Marwan says:

yes but at the moment you still need them

Marwan says:

so sacrifices have to be made sometimes

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

wat diff would it make is the thing

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

the worst thing is they cant get me at night...n they think im partyin...but i actually work all night like a slave....but i cant tell em...cos they wont approve either..

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

ah....enuf of my fucked up life

Marwan says:

so what do you want to do

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

im gonna just move.

Marwan says:

and what about parents

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

then i'll ask my dad directly...only for the remainin sem fees...tts wat im plannin...no need for expenses

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

they dun want me seriously...

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

the "ur just havoc' thing is an excuse for them to get rid of one burden

Marwan says:

based on previous evidence, do you think your father will help

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

50% chance he might pay for my remaining semester.

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

if not im gonna haf to work n then defer my studies.

Marwan says:

and what will that achieve?

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

i can never get enuf to pay for the intl student rate really....

Marwan says:

exactly

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

nothing to achieve...just haf to find a way...im sick of knowing not wat to do

Marwan says:

ok simple solution

Marwan says:

do what you parents want you to do

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

then i will finish my fuckin edu when i haf enuf....

Marwan says:

not worth it

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

u dun understand....even if i do they wont believe cos tts their excuse to push me off

Marwan says:

what do you want me to say

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

my dad doesnt care...he said he wont waste $ on my stupid degree....its not abt if he thinks im what im not

Marwan says:

either way nothing will work so you might as well jump off crown bridge

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

..

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

maybe..

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

im just tellin u...i know there's no solution

Marwan says:

there is always a solution

Marwan says:

sometimes it involves compromise

Marwan says:

which people dont like

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

my prob is that if i compromise with em im stuck with em

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

i really want out....im miserable when im with em..

Marwan says:

well no choice at present

Marwan says:

they hold the money

Marwan says:

so you have to do what they want

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

true.

Marwan says:

you are protesting but in the end you are powerless

Marwan says:

so no point wasting time on it

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

i dunno wat the protest is abt...becos if they're so against me havin a lil peace of mind fr all of their shit.

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

u dunno how unhappy i am at home with em

Marwan says:

thats because it has become a situation

Marwan says:

someone needs to de-escalate

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

yeah maybe

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

fr wat.

Marwan says:

the situation

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

everyone's trippin out on me...this yr ive been quiet n mature n i get more shit.

Marwan says:

mature is not how you are dealing with it

Marwan says:

your mum and dad are going through a very stressful time right now and the best thing you can do is keep your head down

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

i did...my sis is the one whos back stabbing n tellin my mum things

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

i didnt do anything.

Marwan says:

well then tell them the truth

Marwan says:

tell them about your bf and your job

Marwan says:

and if they dont like it, drop both

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

cannot....becos if i do tt theyd deport me bk immediately.

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

i rather stay here than go bk to that darkness

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

theyd defer my studies n then send me for some weird pep talk

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

scary.

Marwan says:

the truth cant be hidden

Marwan says:

then drop both and tell them everythings fine

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

they r bastards they wont give me $

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

u dun understand....

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

im not gonna drop anything

Marwan says:

you cant have it every way

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

the bf is a lamest excuse for my sis to try to push me out...n

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

the job is for me to haf money cos they dun give me

Marwan says:

well drop the bf he is not essential

Marwan says:

what do you need money for

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

he helps me.

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

even if my evil sis didnt know abt tt which i blurted out like a crazy idiot....they still wont give money

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

cos they see me as unwanted

Marwan says:

no parent will refuse their daughter money

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

mine do..

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

aiyo no one will believe me..

Marwan says:

you're right

Marwan says:

i dont either

Marwan says:

what do you want

Marwan says:

seriously

Marwan says:

you want a bf but you cant handle the heat that comes with it

Marwan says:

you want money but your parents wont give it and even earning it seems to be a problem

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

its not the bf...i dun even tell anyone details abt the person

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

so how can they hate or say anything

Marwan says:

its because hes white

Marwan says:

i know where they are coming from

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

its abt the money tts all....my personal life does not concern them

Marwan says:

it does concern them because you are their daughter

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

i didnt even say what race...they assume n they're mad

Marwan says:

wait a minute

Marwan says:

you said they knew what he was white

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

y is it tt they only concern themselves with all this n not other things...

Marwan says:

what other things should they be concerned about

Marwan says:

the fact that you tend bar at a club

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

i said they dunno anything abt the person...

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

nothing at all n they assume...so it shows tt they just find something to kick me off...tts wat hurts me

Marwan says:

why dont you TELL THEM

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

tt is the highest paying part time job

Marwan says:

but it is not *respectable*

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

taking in mind that not everyone gets that job btw....n the reason i haf to do it is also THEM n them fucking up MY life by being idiots

Marwan says:

find a different one

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

fuck respectable....that is one thing they cant comment on now

Marwan says:

it doesnt matter you are INDIAN not australian

Marwan says:

you need their money so you have to follow their rules, its that simple

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

this is very high iM...i can earn $1500 a month

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

if i did more shifts

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

n only 3 days a week..

Marwan says:

that will barely cover rent

Marwan says:

not enough to live on

Marwan says:

what about food school fees

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

i know i do....but then they dun wanna give me $ for my expenses.

Marwan says:

then fucking grovel till they give you some money

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

i know

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

the pt is i haf to beg.

Marwan says:

because you dont have a choice

Marwan says:

everyone has to beg

Marwan says:

i worked my ass off to start a business and still i am 2nd class citizen

Marwan says:

so you do what you have to do

Marwan says:

fuck the pride

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

cos its not like there are rules tt i disobeyed....even if i meditated at home all day

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

id haf the same prob...my dad's doing this cos im the most timid at home...n im the first target.

Marwan says:

it doesnt matter

Marwan says:

you are an adult now so start acting like one and confront them like one

Marwan says:

otherwise be condemned to bitch forever

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

yeah i haf no pride...i stoop to doing manual stuff just for the $...n no one would believe my bkground if i told them

Marwan says:

or go marry this fellow and do whatever you want with your life

Marwan says:

stoop?

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

yeah i wont bitch

Marwan says:

so sorry la...i guess my box carrying must offend you

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

u know u haf to do alot of work...esp at 6am when the place closes.

Marwan says:

let me say this AGAIN

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

i do that too

Marwan says:

either give up the job or leave your parents

Marwan says:

either give the bf or leave your parents

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

carry large trays of glasses...i haf bruises all over n i dun mind.

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

they shud admire this

Marwan says:

they didnt ask you to do it why should they admire it

Marwan says:

i wouldnt want my daughter to work as a waiter

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

they did....becos they didnt give me $.....my sis is coming up with stories abt me going off with a druggie bf...the pt is he doesnt even smoke or drink.

Marwan says:

they didnt give you money you can find some other profession

Marwan says:

work in a restaurant or somethin

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

if u dun give ur daughter money n u treat her badly she'd do it

Marwan says:

the point is

Marwan says:

are you starving

Marwan says:

are you beggin on the road

Marwan says:

if not, you dont need to do this

Marwan says:

are you honestly trying to tell me you parents send the rent and nothing else?

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

im not given $ n u still dun believe

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

yes

Marwan says:

no i dont

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

n the rent isnt here btw.

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

so they plan to pack me off..

Marwan says:

ok even simpler choices

Marwan says:

go back to singapore

Marwan says:

or elope with this nutter here

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

y shud i succumb to them deferring me while my fuckwit sis gets to live in gucci luxury n do her pst grad n never worked ever

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

tt means one child gets everything n the other nothing.

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

the pt is i know tt they r finding excuses to send me bk...n i wont go bk....tts y im gonna move out n not tell em where i am.

Marwan says:

you are not exactly suffering yet

Marwan says:

oh thats a very mature way to deal with it

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

i might haf to go with this boy....my life's all screwed.

Marwan says:

your life is screwed because you are making foolish decisions

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

i haf 2 choices.....

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

stay here or go bk/get deferred/be miserable

Marwan says:

well pick one godamnnit

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

im staying....

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

what would u do

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

go bk n get deferred

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

either way if i go bk its short lived cos my dad will leave real soon n they're gonna be fucked as well.

Marwan says:

if you have to go back, you have to go back

Marwan says:

if i followed your logic

Marwan says:

in 2001 i would have stayed in america

Marwan says:

married the druggie chick

Marwan says:

probably be working as a waiter or a cook and still trying to get a degree, five years later

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

lol

Marwan says:

i am being serious

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

but u had something to go bk to....my whole house is shattered.

Marwan says:

not really

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

its miserable for me to go bk....i'd go insane.

Marwan says:

well tough man

Marwan says:

sometimes life is fucking miserable

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

the boy im with is not wild...im the bad one who's straightened up more.

Marwan says:

he really is crazy

Marwan says:

because i'd never in a milliion years go out with you

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

yeah, i feel happy with this person, n i dun see y i shud go bk for something worse for my mind

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

he likes me i guess.....

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

n im better off with this than a miserable family pickin on me

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

i didnt ask u to go out with me lol

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

u dunno the real me...

Marwan says:

thank goodness

Marwan says:

i'd prefer not to know the fake you

Marwan says:

or any you, for that matter

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

so mean...but the pt is tts my rationale.

Marwan says:

your rationale is insane

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

u'd give up a better peaceful life for tumultous home

Marwan says:

every home is tumultous

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

mine's shockingly rude.

Marwan says:

you think mine is any different?

Marwan says:

there is no such thing as an ideal peaceful family

Marwan says:

i dont believe that there is some girl out there who will solve all my problems

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

aiyo mine is violent ....crying everyday...

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

going to investigators everyday

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

mad shit

Marwan says:

*everyone* cries and everyone has crazy things happening

Marwan says:

in my short life you wont believe the things that happend to me or the stuff i put my folks through sometimes...and vice versa

Marwan says:

you just have to carry on regardless

Marwan says:

and keep the peace

Marwan says:

cant just take off at the first sign of troulbe

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

too many signs....if u were me u would...trust me..

Marwan says:

the sign of a strong person is that they can withstand it all

Marwan says:

man forget it

Marwan says:

i'm wasting my time here

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

i know what u mean

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

i want to be happy... i dun think anyone will realise how depressin tt home is

Marwan says:

nobody else will...telling me doesnt help in any way..so you have to sort out your own problems

Marwan says:

where the fuck is your bf right now...what use is he if he can't help

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

he is helping alot...he will move with me...he helps even with $

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

im just tellin u all this....i wont tell other frens cos they dun give a shit or wont believe

Marwan says:

if he is any kind of man he would have called your parents by now

Marwan says:

instead of leaving it all to you

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

he does everything else...the moving the jobs the $...but he doesnt wanna haf anything to do with em...n i dun want to cos if i involve this then im gonna get into shit...dun u think

Marwan says:

no i dont think

Marwan says:

if he doesnt have the balls to talk to your parents then all the money in the world aint shit in my reckoning

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

the issue is not concerning him n he knows its abt the family prob...

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

its obvious its not abt tt.....how cz would it be if ur parents fuck u up for somethin they haf no evidence of...right

Marwan says:

evidence doesnt matter because it is true

Marwan says:

once its out its too late

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

i didnt know my sis would fuck me up

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

lucky i didnt tell the details....i'd be fucked up more

Marwan says:

it doesnt matter now

Marwan says:

you wont get any freedom if you dont fight for it

Marwan says:

and it starts by telling the truth warts and all

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

sigh........

·°• J à | ª p É Ñ ø •°· says:

wats new with u anyway